Shock and horror today readership!
I was on my way to discover Klaassen-White was a maniac as long thought, with his glorious attack on the USSR state of Microflag. However, we have learned a shocking truth tonight. James Klaassen-White is a Martian. How did I discover this, you may question? I was following him through the woods of knowledge, when I saw him climb into a spaceship, where he rose into the air and gunned down a homeless fellow. I ran from there and vowed to take him down, but the C.I.A must be working for him as they dismissed it. Next time: Rupert Murdoch? More like RICHARD Murdoch!
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