Shock horror today my readers as I discovered one of the greatest secrets of history, one that I will almost certainly be killed for.
Miles Pressland does not exist. He is a fake. A fraud, a mask worn by another to commit evil deeds. Yes, Miles Pressland is really....MATTHEW BOLLANDS! How did I catch this tricky you ask? Well, that's another story, involving cable ties, ninja-esque skills and top notch bantaaaa, yet I managed to see that Matthew and Miles are one and the same. You notice how Miles and Matthew never comment at the same time? Hello! Obvious now, isn't it?!?!? I quickscoped this noob when I found out, saving us all from his evil. Next time: Janiszewski: Twisted Puppet Slave or Evil Puppet Master?
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Yes, dear reader. You read that correctly. Is Richard, our lovable CPS scamp in Sorrenia, really a talking watermelon?
"What ludicrous nonsense!" "What are you on?!" and "Waffle-cakes!" might all come to mind, but bear with me a moment. What shape is his head? It looks square. What is grown square in Japan? Watermelons. Hello! Obvious connection alert. Besides, his ideas in Sorrenia are a bit fruity anyway, but that's just a side note in all of this. To conclude, yes, he most assuredly is a watermelon with the uncanny ability to speak. Now, where is my watermelon core scraping device? I must examine this.... Coming Next Time: Miles or Matthew? The REAL President of Sorrenia |
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August 2015
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